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"How cruel, your veins are full of ice-water and mine are boiling."
-Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights (via wordsnquotes)

smokecigarettesamongstthestones:

My brother says “shit happens” in response to everything

My brother was given a “shit happens” mug because of this

My brother loved his “shit happens” mug like a child

Last week, my brother dropped his “shit happens” mug

You probably know what his reaction was

jonesdavid813:

cyanblur:

cyanblur:

what do you call this color gradient?

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black to the fuchsia

oh my god

leadfeathers:

geekerypokery:

jeremymcbitchin:

Imagine having braces during the apocalypse. no one can take your braces off. And you just have to accept that you’ll have braces forever.

i want a novel focused around a character with braces during the apocalypse and the entire plot of the story revolves around their search for an orthodontist who is still alive and they sort of accidentally save the world in the process

Titled: Brace for It.

jesliey:

homosaurus-rex:

homosaurus-rex:

It’s actually a good thing that the zombie apocalypse starts in Florida because then the zombies only have one way to go and that’s straight up into trigger happy redneck territory. I give it two weeks before monster trucks and mullets save us.

can we talk about how this is still getting notes

The funny thing is that i can not actually come up with a counter argument for this.

evilscientist:

teacher: your homework will only have 4 problems!

homework: 1a 1b 1c 1d 1e 2a 2b 2c 2d 2e 3a 3b 3c 3d 3e 4a 4b 4c 4d 4e

theoriginalspike:

innumerablegibbons:

A woman got breast implants made of wood yesterday

It would be funny if this joke had a punchline

Wooden tit 

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goldenclitoris:

when u know u mama mad at u but u gotta walk past her to get food from the kitchen
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